Scabbers the Malicious: Secret Ambitions
by Jessiboo-Choka
Summary: Scabbers has a mysterious premonition and the whole cast of Harry Pottah is going bonkers with confusion! Much slapping and trickery ensue.
1. Scabbers the Malicious: And the Slap goe...

Title: Scabbers the Malicious: Secret Ambitions and the Great Halloween Extravaganza  
  
Authors: the immortal Choka (SCAD Bat and wacky Scabbers fan!) and Jessiboo, famous the world round for her Supah Powahs of Losing Stuzzuff  
  
Notes: Although we *do* own Harry Potter plushies and Draco bedsheets, we do not own any copyrights and would not appreciate being sued for our lovely little fanfic attempts. By the way, I suppose this story would classify as Draco x Harry slazzash, but really it is too much insanity to consider itself so o-O Just a warning: sailor suits ahead. Sailor suits without *consent* (bad snape!)  
  
Chapter 1- And the Slap goes Down  
  
It was a cold morning in late October, and blast it all but Harry had forgotten to wear his under-knickers. He sat looking out at the bleak northern skyline, huddling close in his robes, waiting for the sun to peek through the clouds and announce the coming of daylight, and finally Quiddich practice.  
  
When you are not wearing under-knickers even a brief moment in the cold morning air can feel like a lifetime, so Harry was quite surprised to see his teammates appear on the field. Hopefully he thought, the flying would warm him up. And with that thought in mind he jumped to his feet and raced to his red headed friend's side.  
  
"My goodness, Ron, whatever are you doing here this early," he gushed. Ron lifted one eyebrow suspiciously and said, "Crikey toad in 'e 'ole, Harry, where have you been? I'm on this team wot!" replied the injured teen. Harry tilted his head. "Oh right concessions manager! I am sorry, you see, I've forgotten my under-" His thought was interrupted by a sinister voice that seemed to come from nowhere.  
  
Startled the two lads looked around quickly, but Harry could see no one. "Ron, who do you suppose could be speaking to use in such a sinister manner?" Looking at his naive friend Ron sighed, sometimes it seemed to the fiery haired boy that Harry was a little TOO oblivious. "Harry! Jumpin' lizards mate!! Malfoy's right o'er there!"  
  
Indeed he was. and he was holding an equally looking sinister brown rat whose name no one shall ever mention without anguish, and which rhymes with "flabbers." Draco Malfoy sauntered up to his evah-so-famous rival and bitch slapped him. "That's for tricking me and making me think we could be friends, Pottah," he sneered.  
  
Harry looked shocked, what could he have done to deserve that?! Starting to get angry he stood up, "Malfoy, what are you talking about?" This, however; only caused Draco to become even more furious. But before he could do anything else he found himself face to face with a very angry Ron Weasley. And where there is one angry Weasley there are hordes. "Now you listen to me Malfoy! If there is to be any Harry slapping it will be done by me and me alone!"  
  
To give evidence to this proclamation he reached back and smacked Harry a nice one right on the cheek. "Do you see? I think I've made my point." Harry felt the tears streaming down and whimpered a little bit. "Why are you two being so wretchedly awful to me? All I wanted to do was be friendly and save the world and be loved by all." Draco stomped his finely tailored feet. "Well, since you demand to know, Pottah, it has to do with the Famous Annual Hogwarts Halloween Party Extravaganza."  
  
The two Gryffindors looked askance at that. What could Malfoy possible have to do with annual Halloween extravaganza?! Thinking about it Harry decided it was probably something evil that he needed to know about, but given the tendency of his current company to slap him he decided to stay quiet. This however lead to a full three minutes of silence before Ron took the cue and started to speak, "Get on with it then!" then "and stop staring at Harry like that!"  
  
"Well I think you all know that Scabbers here is psychic." Draco began. At the empty stares he received he decided perhaps this knowledge was not quite as common as he had believed. He opened his mouth to speak again when Ron interjected. "That's my rat!!!" he shouted. Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Do you really think every rat out there named Scabbers belongs to you, Weasley?" he drawled. Supposing not, Ron glared and kept quiet. "Well, a week ago Scabbers had a premonition." he continued.  
  
Harry decided that he had to jump into the conversation now, "How does a *rat* tell you about his visions?" Then struck by a completely inappropriate thought Harry began to giggle, "Are you a rattongue then? Like I'm a parselmouth?" This struck everyone as funny, except for Draco who felt a little dirty, and Scabbers of course. Two resounding slaps later Draco felt much better, of course then Weasley had to go and screw it up by muttering "dammitt, Draco I'm not your bitch....". Which of course just served to make draco feel even dirtier than before.........  
  
"Damn you muggle-lovahs, I'm tired of your mind games!" he ejaculated. "It just so happens that Scabbahs and I have a very intimate relationshop which you could not fathom if you burst your adorable little heads trying to figure it out!" He slapped his hand over his mouth. Could he have just said that?! Was he. gay?! He slapped Harry to see.  
  
After his third slap in less than 10 minutes Harry realized that maybe he was enjoying all the attention, and that realistically he was most probably gay. Meanwhile Draco was staring at his hand in morbid fascination......  
  
"Holy Merlin." he cooed. "This. is the most beautiful hand I have ever seen." He had looked at his hand before, but never truly *seen* it, truth be told. But he now realized that he had a hand the likes of which the world had never seen, and that he had the makings of being one of the few great hand models of the wizarding world. He rushed off to preserve his perfection, accidentally dropping the confused Scabbers to the ground.  
  
Scabbers, momentarily confused by the long fall, was quickly snatched up by a very agitated Ron. Ron, used to slapping and not being slapped (unless it was by Hermoine and then it was quite understandable) was rather upset at this new turn of events. However, agitated or not, he was not one to lose the chance of having a psychic rat to call his own.  
  
"I'll figure out this one, by jove" he assured his red-faced chum as they walked towards the Quiddich field. "That buggery ol' Malfoy won't have the best of us yet!" He stared at the rat's pointy, wizened face and spoke slowly. "Tell us. the secret. of the Famous Annual Hogwarts Halloween Party Extravaganza." The rat began to speak. "You squee, the parteeee is going to beeee."  
  
Meanwhile Draco was wandering back to his rooms turning his hand this way and that, marveling at its beauty. However as he got closer and closer to his destination, and further and further into the dungeons he began to wonder why Hogwarts was so deserted. Oh he thought, everyone went to Hogsmeade this morning! But he realized as he turned the corner, not *everyone* had gone because standing in the shadows, doing some serious snogging was Professor Snape and........  
  
~end of chapter 1~ 


	2. Scabbers the Malicious: Sailor Suits and...

Chapter 2- Sailor Suits and Snape Sassynazz  
  
Jessiboo: Well we needed to separate it into chapters somehow!!  
  
Choka: Yeah always a good time!!^_^  
  
Jessiboo: things are so crazy when I hang out with you   
  
Choka: I'm like a No Doubt concert!!  
  
Jessiboo: not hardly o-O  
  
Choka: We should also figure out how HTML works so things don't look so jumbly and foolish. *dancedance*  
  
Jessiboo: Yeah that would be good.  
  
So in Chapter 1 we left you with Snape snogging with a MYSTERIOUS SOMEONE!! It waaas.  
  
Professor Flitwick! "By the queen, I think I may be scarred for life," he cried, running down the halls cradling his prize hand. Snape looked up and wiped the lipstick off his pale and shocked face. "Oh no, he probably hasn't heard of the annual Teachers Skitathon, nor of my lead role in Our Fair Potionsmaster!"  
  
Severus Snape knew, knew to the bottom of his everlasting soul, that had there not been a terrible war between good and evil brewing when he was in school that he would right now be doing what he loved most. Acting. Preferably in romantic comedies, but really anything that gave him the chance to act. And that is why he was so terrible excited about the halloween Skitathon, finally a chance to show his genius!  
  
But it all could be destroyed if young Draco (to whom Sevi-chan *as he called himself in his innermost thoughts* planned to someday pass on his gift) went out and blabbed to the world his secret. Why, if Dumbledore knew they were practicing the improv portion of their act in secret, he might disqualify them from participating! And that simply could not happen.  
  
No, he could not allow it. But what to do....what to do. Snape began to walk towards the Great Hall hoping to find Draco before he could do any damage. However after an undetermined amount of time he realized that the boy was nowhere to be found. At this point it occurred to him that it would in fact be easier to just lure Draco to him. But what to use as bait? Just at that moment Harry walked into the hall, after deciding that listening to Ron mutter at a rat was sheer insanity and leaving his friend on the bleachers. Twenty minutes later The Boy who Lived lay on the table in the (luckily deserted) Great Hall.....clad in only a sailor suit. The potions master chuckled evilly, if that didn't get draco nothing would!  
  
Harry lay there, sniveling. Here he was, snatched out of Quiddich practice, wear a silly sailor suit, freezing in the Great Hall because he still didn't have any under-knickers on. Curse that Professor Snape. he knew the man had it out for him but this was bordering on obscene! He looked at the ducky on his lapel. Check that, it *was* obscene! He wondered how the Potions teacher had managed to sneak up on him, take off his clothes, replace them will fetishy things, and hide behind a curtain in the hall in less than 2 seconds. He had to admit he was impressed.  
  
Perhaps he had some practice at this sort of thing........Harry let that thought trail off realizing that it would only lead to madness. A better question was why anybody thought that dressing him up in a sailor suit would do ....well....much of anything. What was the point of this?! Harry decided to gather his courage and ask. "Professor Snape, I was wondering exactly why I'm tied up here? If this is a plan to catch Voldemort" Harry shivered, "aren't there other ways?" Though this direct approach startled Snape, he was not one to falter long, "Potter, you work much better as bait when you're quiet. but in answer to your question I'm using you to catch draco." Harry sat there stunned, mind racing a million miles a minute he wondered what would draco want him in a sailor suit and why did the thought make him blush?  
  
Draco was still running through the halls, scarred for life at the horrible sight he had witnessed, when he ran smack dab into none other than everybody's favorite whiz kid; that's right, our own Hermione Granger. "Watch your step, you!" she growled as she held her book of logic tightly in her arms. Draco was taken aback at this aggressive attitude. "Hermione, you're good at many things, such as being a filthy mudblood, but I have heard you are also good at figuring out tricky situations. Well, this one is a whoozy!"  
  
Though Hermione felt rather justifiable angry at that comment, she was also intrigued. "Though normally I'd rather try and tutor Neville in potions than talk to you Malfoy, I'll listen to your little...ahem...problem just this once" and with that she looked at him expectantly. Draco sighed, this was almost to frightening to be true and he could only hope she would believe him.  
  
"Well, you see," Draco began, ignoring the atmosphere of annoyance radiating from the puffy-haired Gryffendore, "Scabbers began to have premonitions a while ago, and they were quite disturbing. They involved Harry in a sailor suit, and the Halloween Extraganza, and Snape dancing the hoochy koochy, and lots of soap opera action. Now part of it has come true and I am terrified of the rest of it. what do you suggest I do?"  
  
Hermoine was flabbergasted, she'd been having dreams about Harry in a sailor suit for almost a month now and she had been quite embarrassed about it, and finding out that she'd been sharing said dreams with a *rat*. well, that didn't help. However she thought her dreams had defiantly not involved snape in any way, shape or form. ew ew ew. She was suddenly struck by something, "Malfoy, what part has come true?" then "Scabbers...? Ron's old rat? Dumpster diving again were we?"  
  
Draco poo-pooed her foolishness. "Poo, poo" he said, "What is it with you Gryffendor blokes? My rat is named Scabbers after the famous wizard Scabbers the Malicious, you fool. I would never dream of sharing a pet with that auburn-haired arse-monkey! And anyway, only parts of it have come true. but if the last part comes to pass then our entire world could be in danger! We must act!" 


	3. Scabbers the Malicious: Has the world go...

Chapter 3- Has the world gone crazy-go-nuts?!  
  
At this point Harry had been sitting in silent under-knickerless agony for nigh on twenty minutes and Snape was beginning to doubt just a little the effectiveness of his plan. However being the crafty potions guy that he was another idea quickly came upon him. It was a crafty plan, a wily plan, and above all an EVIL plan. Mostly it involved poking his prey until his girly screams reverberated through the castle, drawing his quarry to him!  
  
He inched closer, creeping his wand out of his pockets and inching towards the prone Boy Wonder. Harry's breathing got heavier as he heard the sullen footsteps draw near, and he clenched his arms to his sides, hating the feeling of helplessness! He saw the shadow of the wand loom over his chest, and drew in his breath to scream.  
  
Elsewhere, Ron had just realized that both Draco *and* harry were gone and that he had been talking to a rat for well over an hour. But, he thought, it was such stimulating conversation! Scabbers was very well versed in many things and both of them had gotten so caught up in their debate over the pros and cons of battery powered can openers that they hadn't even noticed that they were alone.  
  
"Jack the rippe' rat in 'e meadows!" he pronounced. "Scabbers, we've got to see what's afoot before anything dreadful happens!" grasping the rat to his chest (he had missed having a fuzzy creature to love ever since finding out that *his* scabbers had been an evil minion) He skidded into his beloved school. and coincidentally right into the Great Hall.  
  
There he stumbled upon a sight that quite probably had the capability to blind him for the rest of his natural life. Screaming, his hands flew up to his eyes as he raced back outside the Great hall. Narrowly avoiding a collision with hermoine and draco. Wait, Hermoine and draco?  
  
"Has the world gone TOTALLY MAD?!" he screamed. Draco decided to take advantage of the seemingly fragile state of the boy's mind and stepped close to the fiery moppet. "Yes, Weasley. mad with PASSION!" and laid a fat one right on the boy's cute-yet-froglike lips. Ron's eyes goggled to the top and he ran for his life up down the corridor. In his escape he dropped poor Scabbers, and Draco scooped him up.  
  
Now, Hermoine was not one to against a good snog; however, snogging with Ron was absolutely forbidden. Absolutely. And just to make this point extra clear to one Draco "I snogged Ron" Malfoy she made sure to put some extra force into her slap. Having been forced to witness far too much for one poor small rat to handle, way too early in the morning Scabbers finally snapped.  
  
The fluffy clairvoyant's eyes grew to the size of pencil-ends (very large for a rodent) and he opened his mouth and grandly boomed "SQUEE SNAP SNAP EEEEEEEE!!!!!" Draco dropped his mouth in horror as Ron and Hermione looked at one another in confusion. "My God, we've got to run!" Malfoy insisted. His unwilling companions seemed unsure. "You ruddy git, Weasley, I thought you understood rattongue! Don't tell me you were just talking to yourself all this time!"  
  
It appeared that in fact Ron had totally forgotten about rattongue and had actually been *just* talking to Scabbers. They didn't take time to think about this however as they made a mad dash for the Great Hall. There was no specific reason they ran towards the Great Hall, other than it happened to be right there. Had they been thinking clearly they would have realized that it had been the sight of something in the Great Hall that had caused Scabbers to panic so. But alas, they ran straight into the awaiting arms of a horror unlike any other.  
  
"AAAHAHAHA!! Oh Snapie-poo, you're just so tricky with that WAND!" they heard, to their great horror as they stumbled through the enormous doors. This was, however, a hallucination. It was caused by a far, far worse sight than they had ever seen in their entire little lives, and it was a cruel twist of fate that there was no escape from it. For the doors to the Great Hall had shut with a resounding clap, and nothing, nothing could break through them. Not even three desperate students trying to flee from the sight of Harry Potter and Severous Snape. Together. Involved in some activity that required ropes and a fetishy outfit. An outfit that Draco's horrified mind realized was really quite becoming on Harry.  
  
"I don't want to know I don't want to know I don't want to kno-hoooo" sobbed young Ron Weasley, covering his eyes. Harry, who was mostly unable to move because of a most sinister Snape-directed spell, tsked. "Well, Ron, that's a bit extreme; I have worn this outfit before. Why do you think I was carrying it around in my knapsack?" Ron continued to howl. "I hate those pajamas!" he bawled out. Draco raised an eyebrow and step closer.  
  
To him it seemed as if learning that the outfit on Harry, Potter his mind corrected, was actually a pajama set opened a wide new range of possibilities. But wide new world of possibilities or not the question still remained about what Harry was doing in said pajamas and why, oh gods why, that had anything to do with Snape! During this inner monologue and the shocked silence that accompanied it, Snape was beginning to feel quite pleased with himself, after all his plan HAD worked.  
  
"Now my young Slythern protégé, about what you have witnessed between me and professor Flitwick." he hissed. Malfoy made a face that indicated he didn't want to talk about it; Ron and Hermione gagged. "Pantalones explodum!" he roared in their direction with a tap of his wand behind his back. The two instantly exploded towards the heavens and were heaved out of Hogwarts via a skylight (unharmed; after all it was their knickers that did the blowing up.)  
  
This of course put draco in the inevitable position of being alone with both Harry and Snape. Though at this point in time Snape seemed to be a much more dangerous foe than Harry had ever been. Forgotten and shivering from fright Scabbers lay hidden beneath Hermoine's bookbag, which luckily had not been exploded with her knickers.  
  
"Mr. Malfoy, my boy." the potions professor continued, "About what you saw." Perhaps the world will never know what everybody's favorite house potions master was about to say, because it was at this exact moment that Harry miraculously regained his ability to move, and he took advantage of this fact by grabbing the nearest object he could find and lobbing it at Snape's head. Perhaps not as tidy as magic, he reasoned, but it quite does the trick.  
  
Unfortunately, the closest thing on hand to Harry was the terrified Scabbers. Somehow the poor beast had managed to scuttle over to him; the boy had seemed rather harmless in his paralyzed state. And while Scabbers was not quite large enough to do any real damage, having a rat lobbed at your head will make even the strongest of souls waver. This was, of course, the point; and with a yell Harry ran towards the door and his freedom. However; running across slippery stone in socks is never a good idea, and halfway across the hall Harry began to slide speedily across the floor.  
  
"Whoooooaaa." he uttered, before crashing into his nemesis and slapper. They slammed into the door, bonked heads, and became utterly unconscious.  
  
After a couple of minutes of frantic picture taking, Snape looked around and remembered that the entire purpose of this trap had been to *talk* to Draco, Not watch the Potter boy plow into him and them sprawling in an unconscious heap (hilarious as that was). Hopefully, he thought, the crash would have knocked all recollection of seeing him and Professor Flitwick from Draco's mind. However to be on the safe side he settled himself down to wait for the boys to regain consciousness, after all its not like he could unlock the Great Hall doors anyway.  
  
Now, this was about the time that Headmaster Dumbledore, or Snarfy as he liked call himself, tended to come downstairs for his noontime cocktail. (Oh, he'd tell you it was virgin if you caught him, but one thing the wizard's drinks were not was anything but hard liquor.) On his way to the kitchen he tended to pass by the Great Hall in order to glance at the portraits and make sure they were behaving themselves, and he was most disgruntled to find the doors closed and bolted.  
  
"Who could have done this?" he wondered out loud. It seemed impossible to him that anyone would want to close the doors to the Great Hall. Perhaps something mysterious was happening behind them. perhaps, he thought excitedly, something involving lemon drops. Thinking happy thoughts about candy in general, he was quite surprised when upon throwing the doors open instead of finding a great lemon drop feast, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy slid out. Apparently they had been leaning against the doors, and upon closer inspection it appeared to Dumbledore that Harry was wearing a sailor suit. "Well that settles that" he muttered, "its defiantly too early to be awake if I'm starting to see things" and with that he scooted the two boys back into the hall, closed the door, and retreated to the sanctuary of his office to sleep the day away.  
  
It was shortly after Ol' Snarfy (as nobody but Nurse Pomfrey would ever call him, and even then not without much giggling and retribution) had bumbled away that Draco and Harry were rudely awakened from their little lie-down by a most obnoxious pounding on the Hall doors. Still half-addled, they scooted into a corner and dropped off again, their heads on each others' shoulders. (in the wizarding world this is very possible.)  
  
This did nothing to stop the pounding, sadly. Scabbers, still tender from his impact with the potions master, began to get a frightening headache. Psychic or not, thought Scabbers, he was no match for two humongous doors. It was time to search for reinforcements.  
  
~Ok, this is going to be where we leave it for a while. we have written more, but right now we sort of need some help with HTML and things; we want this to look a little bit nicer! I mean, b and br do not seem to work; I am frankly at a loss.  
  
Aren't you in dreadful anticipation wondering what Scabbers could have up his sleeve? . fur. ?Choka and Jessiboo, signing off. ^___________~ 


End file.
